There was once a farmer and his family who lived in and farmed a huge and goreous valley, next to a mountain range. Each Year as the season turned into autumn, the farmer and his sons would begin to store their barns with hay for the winter. Some years they stored just a little, some years much more. One year, the farmer doubled the amount of hay they stored in the barn.
The Father said "Son's, we've got to store more hay than ever before. It's going to be a winter like we have never seen."
One son, being just a bit tired of storing more hay, asked the father how he could know that it was going to be a more difficult winter than ever before. The Father replied, "Son, you are now old enough so I can tell you the secret.On the mountain, the Indians store for the winter. Some years, in mild winters, they store just a little. Other years, in particularly hars winters, they store much more. So I know how cold the winter is going to be by watching how much wood the Indians store away."
Another son, being fed up with storing so much hay. walked up the mountains to speak with the Indians. He approached the chief of the tribe and asked him why he was putting away so much wood this year. To which the chief replied, "This is an ancient Indian custom. We always know how cold the winter will be by watching the farmer in the valley. The colder the winter will be, the more hay the farmer puts away!"
Both the Indian and the farmer were reacting to each other, believing that each one was the source of the need to prepare the winter. And so it goes in ,many of our relationships. Whether it is in FRIENSHIP, MARRIAGE, FAMILY, or the WORK environment, we are prone to blame others for the way we behave in the relationship. So the question is: what is your contribution?
Do you do any of the following?
Expect too much.
Expect too little.
Have a preconceived bias against the other person.
Misinterpret something they have said or done and then fail to check out your perception.
Expect/demand the other person to change first.
Expect/demand your own way.
Do the silent treatment to shut the other person out.
So what to do?
Three steps:
1. Indentify your contribution
2. Take responsibily for it.
3. Whether you like it or not; change your contribution.
Change your contribution, and you cannot only solve the problem, you can change and improve the RELATIONSHIP.
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